If I Was Rich, I Would... Splurge!

So, I was walking down a hallway in MOI, passing through the stores and... I just knew I have something to write about it. Even if it's just a blurb. I don't care.

That very moment reminds me of the beginning of "Confession Of A Shopaholic". The only thought in my head was "Someday, I'm gonna be able to shop in these stores." and nothing else. I always imagining me, being a successful writer, walking out of the stores with those shiny paper bags and my credit card in hand. And me, wearing a Stella McCartney dress and Manolos, Michael Kors handbag, carrying a BlackBerry or an iPhone. Wowwww.

And then when we was on our way to the car, we passed an advertising counter for BCA Flazz. Dad asked the countergirl where to make a Flazz card, and then I started going all, "Ehmagawd! Is Dad gonna make me a Flazz card?!" to my mom. You know, as much tempting as that might be, I don't think that's a good idea. I would probably end up spending every cent of the money in the account. But, yeah... I don't think I could say "No" if he gives it to me either. Tough decision.

In the car, it just crossed my mind that Mom's ordering BlackBerrys from her friend abroad. Eep! That would be -Ehmagawd!- awesome! I know I wanted an iPhone, but a BlackBerry sounds good to me. Especially if it's Storm, mm... my life is purrfect. I hope that happens. I could really use a new phone right now. I've used this one for about 3 years and I think the battery's leaked now.

For now, I can just hope and pray. New clothes, BlackBerry, and a card? I'm SO up for it!

Song of the entry is "Uncontrollable" by Adrienne Bailon.


XOXO

Broken and Wounded

I was talking to a schoolmate during the morning break at school. At first, we were just goofin' around and talk about Taylor Swift's songs while I play the guitar singing to her songs. And then we sung "Forever And Always" and then I started blabbing about how that song relates so much to me. And then I forgot how it came, when suddenly we started talking about my best guy friend.

I asked her if he ever told her anything about me, and she said "No. She keeps your secret with his life." and I just... feel like such a bad friend. And then she started talking about him considers me as a girlfriend, sister, and a mom (Which followed by "A mom?! What the hell?"), and he's been loving me that way since 7th grade. According to her, he's been crushing on me since then.

Boom. It hit me hard. It was a huge slap in the face. How could I be so blind? I felt really bad for him. I can't imagine how hurt he felt when I told him that I had a crush on "John Tucker", when I told him that we were going out, when Robby asked me out... I wish I could just come up to him and told him that I'm sorry. But we all know that it's not that simple.

And my friend, she said that she was hoping that I feel the same way. He's been waiting for so long, don't dissappoint him.

You don't know how much I want to feel the same way, but I just don't. Gosh, I really wish I was, and still am, but I just... don't. I don't have the vibe that I feel deep down inside my chest. Yes, I do love him. But not that way. No matter how deep I dug for that feeling, I just don't find it. How could I find it if it isn't there?

And because of our friendship. I don't wanna give it up. What if our relationship doesn't quite work out? This friendship is priceless. I wouldn't trade it for even a billion dollars, or fame, or success. I wouldn't trade it for love. Nothing in this crazy world would compare.

I'm scared. What if he suddenly asks me that question? If I say 'No', it will only tear my friensship apart and break his heart. He's been waiting for that long and the answer is 'No'. But if I say 'Yes', it'll only hurt him. Sooner or later he's gonna find out that I don't really feel the same way. And what if I like someone else? It's just gonna destroy him.

I don't know what to think!

I still remember all those memories in 7th grade. I remember how ridiculous he looked in that Winnie The Pooh apron during our first cooking task in Cuisines. I remember when people in class started teasing us when I was telling him a story. I remember the four of us racing with the other 36 students in Citizenship pop quiz. I remember the times when almost all the girls in class wouldn't talk to me because they thought he and I were dating. I remember how out-of-track we get when we started talking to each other. Those memories mean a lot to me.

I never want to see him hurt. Never do, never will. You probably wouldn't know how I feel if I hurt him, even though not on purpose.

Been listening to Taylor Swift's "Breathe" and "Teardrops On My Guitar", Colbie Caillat's "Realize", John Mayer's "Comfortable", and Yiruma's "River Flows In You" on loop for the past hour.

One Of The Boys

What can I say? I'm quite the flexible. I can be the most superstylish, fashion-addicted girl in school... or the quirky one who hangs out with the guys, laughing at dirty jokes. I'm pretty easy to blend in. It's the quote "Experience is the best teacher". There were times where I had to jump from one clique to another because they all rejected me. Now I'm having times where I had to jump from one clique to another... to juggle my social life. I looooooove being a social butterfly :) haha

I don't really go to my guy friend's place during weekends, play video games, or any of that stuff. But I do enjoy hanging out with them at school. Not as one of the guy's girlfriend; as one of them. You might think this is probably impossible, but... not really. Mostly the guys just gathered around within 6 feet, they chat about something, then I come in and it gets more interesting. I laugh at their jokes, they laugh at mine. Everyone's happy.

I do have a best guy friend I still keep in touch. He's my first best friend EVER! We've been friends since 7th grade. Well, I haven't talked to him in person since... about a year? But, what can't technology do? We text. A lot. Well, not as often as before, since his friend told me something about my best friend during school break. It's getting a little awkward, now that I know. Though I don't know if he knows that I know... haha. Confusing, I know!

Sorry, I got out of track. Point is... befriending guys is just as good as befriending the girls. Sure, you can't go "OMG! I just saw the awesomest dress at the store!" or "Omigosh, that guy is sooooo hot!" around your guy friends. But you can still save it for a blab with your gal pals. Let me tell you why.

First; because you're probably the only girl in the group, and the guys are 'proven', you're safe. There's a bunch of guys protecting you. Kind of like Secret Service, but only they treat you as a friend -Not the President's daughter-, they throw jokes about you, they don't wear black suits and earpieces. Haha
Second; you can see the story from a different side. Not just from a girl's side, which is mostly influenced by emotions. Sometimes, guys are more rational than us.
Third; it'd be easier for you to try to get close to a guy (Though he's not your peep). 'Cuz your boys usually help you get to this guy. Especially, if one of your boys is a good friend of this guy. It'd be a grrrreat impression for him.
And a bunch of other benefits haha

Give it a try. But, don't take it too far. Some guys are a liiiiiiiittle dangerous. Try befriending guys who are not geeks (So not fun) but not 'too-cool-for-school' ones. The guys who have a good social life but not... damaged. Nice guys. Yeah, that's the word. Some guys you should stay away from, some other can have solid friendship with you. My best guy friend has tons of friends, but he's not cracked. Guys can be such good friends.

Song of the entry is "True Friend" by Miley Cyrus. Hmmm... maybe I should write a song about this! haha

The Outcast

I come from a middle class family. I'm not filthy rich, but at least we're... Well, we pay our bills, we have good facility at home, everything's good. But, still. Around my friends, I'm an outcast. At this position, I'm like Jenny Humphrey in Gossip Girl.

My friends take piano and violin lessons; I learn guitar by myself. They shop in our own version of Bloomingdale's; I shop in Target. They have two shiny cars; I have one little city car. They have the latest notebook computer; I have an old crappy one. I'm different.

Sometimes, I feel embarassed because I'm not like them. That I'm not as loaded as them. When I go to my friend's house that are big and flashy, I remember how different it is from my medium-size and messy home. And when I see their relationship with their parents, it reminds me of how bad is mine with my dad right now. It breaks my heart.

But I will not give up. I will fight for that happiness that money can't buy. I will make Dad realize that he's been acting like an ass to me, that's gonna be a big slap in the face. Money is important; but it isn't everything. I'm gonna get my sweet revenge. I didn't mean it in a bad way, but... I'm done being underestimated. I wanna be taken seriously. Because I'm serious about this.

You might feel that being a 12-year-old must be fun and happy and colorful... It's not always like that. People say "Don't grow up too quickly", but I have no choice. I have to grow up to face these problems. Of course, I have those 'Happy days', but being a kid is not always good. But, how am I gonna solve these if I'm being childish?

Bottom line is; I'm not going to dissappoint myself. They are the one who are going to be dissappointed with themselves. This is my time.

Songs of the entry is every song in my 'Bad Day' playlist.