I've been waiting for so long
For a prince in a shining armor
Ridin' his white horse
To come and rescue me
But he never showed up
I'm left out here alone
Tryin' to get up on my own
Losing faith in my savior
Tryin' to keep myself safe and sound
But then you came around
(Refrains:)
It was you all along
It always has been you
How could I be so blind?
You're the prince in disguise
I've been searching all my life
But I never noticed what's in front of me
All I see was just a bunch of lies
But you're my prince in disguise
You've been tryin' to tell me,
"Don't trust those fake princes that comes around,"
But I just want that true love to be found
So I didn't listen to you
But they only ended up getting me hurt
They left and broke my heart
But you still wouldn't say "I told you so,"
Instead you said, "Hey, you gotta give it a try,"
You made me laugh when I was gonna cry
You'd stay up late to hear about my day
And tell me that I'm remarkable in my own way
But I still didn't realize that
(Refrains)
One day I woke up from my long sleep
And everything seemed to remind me of you
The whole world already knew
But I didn't know what to do
I kept thinking that I was too late
That you moved on and found somebody else
But I'm not gonna hide it anymore
I think you deserved to know
You're not like I thought you'd be
A typical Prince Charming, ready to set me free
But I don't care
You're the one who's always there
And that's the one I wanna be with
That's the one I'm meant to be with
My prince in disguise.
Nope, I'm not talking about the movie or the book. I'm talking about the look.
It's like two different words collide. I mixed up the whole 'black-dark-evil-demon' with the 'sweet-white-heavenly-angel' and a model that fits both description. You know, she can be both the 'snow-white-and-innocent-angel' and 'the-demon-with-the-red-hair-and-lips'. She's a total English rose. Anyways, I started out with a simple vintage LBD, net gloves by Macahel, and J. Dauphin's spiky punk bracelet. Then I added the angelic accent on the look with the feathery white wings by NK Leksaker, vintage lace umbrella, and the pretty Tatty Devine heart pendant. A little bit more demonic accent, I added a Glitter chain necklace, and A-S Davik rings. I had quite a hard time picking out the shoes, since there's no white shoes and I've had enough 'demon' on the look. So I've chosen this awesome pair of heels designed by Giuseppe Zanotti. And... voila! Angels and demons!
I'm gonna do more artistic looks on Looklet. Coming rrrright up!
Not that I'm being a narc or anything, but... I believe I have talents. Slightly raw and unpolished, but all I need is a chance. I never got the chance to prove that I can do things. You know how people is... they always stick to the status quo. It's not easy to accept newcomers. But once they see the shining newcomers, they are wowed.
To be honest, I sometimes envy my best friend. She's probably the most popular girl in school who has a good image. She's pretty, smart, friendly, charming... she's everything. She has girls in school who look up to her, guys who got huge crush on her, tons of friends (Literally.), and a boyfriend who loves her soooo much.
And yet, sometimes she still complains about it. I don't get it. Though, it's not perfect, I know. But... all I wanted was to be wanted. To be the one that shines the brightest, even just for once. She has all that. I have...
I'm a dork. I'm freakishly tall and big like Kimora, and look crucial at some point. I speak whatever I had in mind. I can be tough or bossy sometimes. My thoughts are wayyyyy ahead most people around me. Boys consider me as one of them. I'm far from Miss Popularity type.
My point of view is different sometimes. When I see 'ugly' people, I always see something in them that makes them beautiful. But, when I see 'beautiful' people, I also see flaws every here and there. I know that nothing is perfect. I just can't help wishing it was...
I wrote this not to humiliate my best friend in any way. I love her, she's the closest person I know as a sister. Being with her, it's a bit of a downer. But seeing her waste it or complain about it, frustrates me. She has, like, everything a girl wants in her teenage life, and she doesn't want it.
It's true that humans are never fully satisfied with what they already have. Sometimes it's good, because it motivates you to do greater things. But, other times, be grateful for what you had. I know. I act like that, too, sometimes.
P.S.: Risti, don't throw all that away. Enjoy it. Be grateful. I'll be there for you and I'm 100% behind what you're after.
We went to Putri's house to surprise her at her birthday at like 7am. We waltzed in when she was deep-sleeping, so it's a huge success! Then, when Putri was in the shower, Dinda came up with this idea, "Hey, let's go to the mall!" and then I was, "Let's go watch New Moon!". So then we went to La Piazza by taxi. 7 people in ONE cab haha. Anyways, we got there at, like, 10.30 so the movie wasn't even open. Dinda, Chitra, and I stood in front of the door with a bunch of people (Who, I think, are gonna watch New Moon, too). The door opened, and Dinda sprinted her way to the ticket box! It was crazy. She got the 2nd place, though. The girl next to us ran real fast lol. It was okay. Then we took a walk and saw a band of handicapped. Handicapped! But they're probably better than half the bands in the country!
The movie was at 12.15, and we arrived on time. Saw a couple trailers, some are pretty interesting. But, to be honest, I couldn't sit tight 'cuz I'm wayyyy too excited to see Jacob! The movie began........
and I LOVED IT! Okay, there's more romance and drama than the action. But what's wrong with that? I love Taylor Lautner here even more than Twilight. I love the chemistry between Jacob and Bella. Jella. For a moment back there, yeah, they remind me of the two closest people in my life. And I did almost shed a tear when Bella said, "Don't make me chose. Because it's gonna be him. It always has," to Jacob. I don't want that to happen to them :(
My favorite scene would be... When Bella and Jacob were in the garage, fixing the motorcycles. Love the song, too! Been listening to it on loop.
Aside from that, the movie, for me, is 11 out of 10! I am so gonna watch it again. Probably after finals, with Raya. And, probably, with the boys too. Can't wait to see it again!!!
It's been a while since I wrote the previous entry. I've been busy doing the music arrangement for "Musikalisasi Puisi", it's where we turn a poem into a song of our own. We were done with the music, and when we were having a consultation with my teacher's son -Who's, by the by, really cute! Then again, he's in college so... shame ;)- and he said, "The notes don't match the poem and neither does the guitar. Let's change it all," and we did! We made a completely new arrangement which was very different from the first one and practiced a bit... ALL IN THREE HOURS. It was Friday, and the competition was Saturday. It took only three hours. And we nailed it! We got the audience noddin' their heads alright. We didn't won, but that's fine with me.We did our best and had fun onstage. That's what matters, right?
Anyways, after the competition, me, Sabeth and Nofal went back to Risti's house to pick up some stuff. We're goin' countryside! We met up with Dita and Mayang and Risti's cousin Nunu there. Then we went back on the road! Mayang attempted to study Economy along the way, but we successfully distracted her by playing Jesse McCartney's Departure CD on the car stereo lol. We arrived at, like, 4pm and THE PLACE WAS HUGE! It didn't look like a villa. It looked like a big house. Marble floor, huge space, great lawn... Love it! We settled down in a room upstairs, the last one on the right. And our room was so pretty! It's all pink and pastel colors like Barbie. I wanted one! I want my new room to be like that when we move in lol.
After we settled down, we decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. It was a little windy and cold -Good thing I brought my big sweater!- and took some nice pics while we were there. Then it rained! It drizzled at first, but then it got bigger so we ran back to the villa. My heart was beating so fast, I was breathing real heavily. But I didn't shed a sweat! It was so cold! We were wet, but instead of going straight to shower, we ordered noodle. Waiting for it to be ready, we sang our hearts out. Then we ate, but Nofal's mom said she made pasta. Damn, we could've eat PASTA!!! We had lots of penne and fettuccine at dinner, however. It was the 21st anniversary of Risti's parents, but she also gave me and Mayang birthday present. Chatelain wallet! Love it <3 we spent the night chattering away in our Barbie room.
I woke up at 5.30ish and I thought it was already 7 because the sun's already up. It was raining. I remember the wind blew real hard when I got outta my room. FREEZING! I decided to go back to bed, tweet a bit. Then the girls wake up. We took a walk and then I plunged into the pool! Dita taught me her dance routine while the others took pictures in the meadow. It was fun! Risti took a picture of me, Mayang, and Dita sitting on big rocks where water flows around it. I'd post it here, but Dita hasn't upload it yet. Comin' up, by the way.
We went back to the villa, ate more pasta, took VERY COLD shower, and packed our bags. I was on my phone texting, until I fell asleep. It was only 10 minutes when Risti's maid woke us up to go back home. Sigh...
But that was fun! I hope we can do it again sometimes. I'm actually thinking about... doing my class' yearbook pics there. The place is BEAUTIFUL! Great views, nice places to go to. And, maybe, Mayang would be our photographer. I don't know, I would like her to be.
Oh well, that's what I wanted to blog you about. Laters!
Us girls -Consisted of me, Risti, Dinda, Sabeth, Nila, and a bunch of other girls- were chatting around at Risti's porch after our Math course. We talked about the party that this rich guy (Let's call him T-Man) at school had last night, where some of the kids leave at midnight-ish. Some of my friends were invited, but they didn't go. Well, last night was raining heavily from the afternoon. It even flooded a bit. What were they supposed to do, drive all the way through the dark and slippery road to the city hall?
Today, T-Man and his boys are going to the countryside. Haikal, Chitra's ex (Whom she wants to get back with, FYI) is coming with them. Last time they went there, T-Man took a hooker back to their bungalow. That's what I've heard, at least. Then we started talking about guys in our class who had their... first time. And... surprise, surprise. My ex is one of them.
Bam. He's done that. OMG. He's only 14! I've never felt so disappointed in my life. I used to like that guy. Hell, I used to date him! I was like "Oh, no. Nooo... Please tell me that's a joke." but... Man. I can't believe that our guys are that bad! They are only, what, 14 or 15? Sheesh!
This reminds me of Social Studies class about people's reaction to social changes. One of the negative impacts is social decadence. Some of the easy examples are, like people seeing dirty things they shouldn't see, dating boundaries are crossed over... But not this. Not in this stage. This is wayyyyy in over our straight minds! I feel disappointed because... have they ever thought, even for once, how they're gonna pay for that? They're not in love. It's called making love, right? It's something that everyone can only do when they're lawfully married. Supposedly. This is too bad. It's such a waste. I can't believe that they... him... don't have a fucking moral! I don't see any respect in them anymore. Sorry, but it's true.
Song of the entry is "Fuck You" by Lily Allen. Yeah, that should do it. XOXO
This might sound cliche, but I wouldn't know what to do to survive at school this year. This is probably the most stressful year I've ever had. The school year had just begun, and I already got so much stuff to do. Maybe too much. I mean it. Think about it; I've been a robot on school days, now my parents always drag me down one place to another on weekends? WHOA. I need a break. They want me to get good grades (They were really disappointed in my Math.) but they don't let me catch my breath?! I was really under pressure. That reminded me of Prison Break, about a building designed to maintain the weight it holds inside. He's trying to strengthen it, but only ended up putting more weight on it. I think that is exactly what the government's doing on this country's education system. They wanted to take a bit of the pressure we're getting, but what they're doing is pushing us down harder.
Yesterday -Which is Monday- is always my busiest day of the week. I get home at 1, eat lunch and go for Math counseling at my friend's house in the neighborhood. Then I get off at about 4, walk home and rest for like 15 minutes then I go to course. That lasts until 6.15pm, then I get home, eat dinner, and do a stack of homework. Oh, not to mention that I get up at 5 friggin' AM. At the end of the day, I was so EXHAUSTED. So, then I spill it out to BGF via texting. I don't know, he advised me without lecturing. Heck, I don't even know if we can do that! Point is, he really made me feel better and be more grateful and less whiny. In fact, I was a little... ashamed. I called myself 'mature', but from what I wrote to him, I sounded like a spoiled and whiny little kid. But, him? He didn't even sound 14. Wait, why does Michael Scofield suddenly popped into my mind? Okay, they're sooooo different. But they do kinda have the same optimism and stuff.
If there weren't him or Risti or anyone... I wouldn't know what to do. And I would like to thank them for that. They've been such good friends. They've comforted me at the times I felt most uncomfortable; telling me that things can't be that bad. Love you guys :)
Song of the entry is "Survivor" by Kaye Styles. It used to be the anthem of "Prison Break", but now, it's the current anthem of my school life.
I had my midterms two weeks ago. Needless to say, they were D-Pressing! Think about it. 3 subjects each day (2 on the last). TONS of stuff to read. And, to top it off, the "computer answer sheet" SUCKS! It is INACCURATE and I hate using it. One of my classmate even got a hand-me-down sheet!!! And by that, I mean the sheet that has been used and got pencil stains all over it. While I got the one with the stains from the printer ink, on my English test. DAMN IT! By that mierda, I got a 7.80 on English! 7.80!!! What kind of English score for me is THAT?! That is effin' horrible!
And do you know what's weirder? I got a 9.10 on Indonesian, which is the highest score out of 160 students. WTF?! Maybe, if the scores were swapped, and I got 9.10 on English and 7.80 on Indonesian, it would've made sense. Even with 9.10 I would still be disappointed at myself. I wanted to get a perfect 10. The test was easy. BUT THE SHEET MESSED EVERYTHING UP!!!
Math is chronic. I'd rather not tell you. SO LOW.
Other than that, not bad. 9.00 on Islamic Education, a lot of 8's. But... I'm still afraid. My parents are gonna kill me!!!
Rank 17 out of 160. *Sighs*... Definitely not good enough for Yale. I have got to do better. Much better. It's time to kick it up a notch.
Song of the entry is "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. Pretty much describes this.
I'm gonna give you my Top 5 Favorite Miss Independents. These are tough, strong, and smart women (But, unfortunately, fictional :S) from the hit movies, and... hope you like 'em!
#5...... Lara Croft in "Tomb Raider" (Portrayed by Angelina Jolie)
Lara is generally described as beautiful, intelligent, athletic (Look at those arms!), and somewhat reckless English archaeologist-adventurer who's into hazardous tombs and ruins. She encounters rivals, gangsters, dangerous animals, legendary creatures, and supernatural beings. She lives in a manor in countryside England. She once served with the Royal Marines. WOW! She kinda seems like a heartless tough warrior chick, but not really. She had a thing going with her friend -Whom she released from a prison in Kazakhstan on the sequel "Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life-, Terry Sheridan (Portrayed by Gerard Butler). Though she shot the guy in the end. Rich, beautiful, athletic, smart, and can handle a gun (Two, actually). What could be better? Ah, too bad, she don't do dresses or any of the feminine fashion items.
#4...... Sydney White in "Sydney White" (Portrayed by Amanda Bynes)
Fresh out of high school and entering South Atlantic University to be Kappa like her late mother used to be. Sounds like some typical mindless, preppy chick to you? Not really. She was raised by a construction workers (Her dad's a plumber) and she's going to SAU on scholarship. She learns political science, she can install plumbings, she fearlessly conquered the Beta fraternity house bathroom, she can handle nails and hammers, and to top it off, she cleans up nicely. This is what should be the girl of every guy's dreams! Not some skinny, brainless, partygoer Kappa president. Hey, at least partygoers like Blair Waldorf and Serena Van Der Woodsen still managed to get accepted at Yale and Brown.
#3...... Gretchen Morgan in "Prison Break" (Portrayed by Jodi Lyn O'Keefe)
Hot, smart, and tough. That is soooo Gretchen. She works for The Company as an agent, which constantly gets involved with Scofield and the gang. She's that tough woman with the gun who horsewhipped Sara, kidnapped Sofia and LJ, runs and drives around Panama and LA and Miami to get to Scofield (Or, specifically, Scylla), and usually walks around with a gun or two. Yeah, she sounds rather cruel and ruthless. But, once she gets to her daughter Emily, there she got the softer side of her. And plus, she can handle her pain (The early episodes of season 4 where she got locked up and tortured by The Company). After getting beaten up and whipped and chained, she still could go back around as if nothing ever happened. Too bad, she's evil and ended up in a jail in Miami.
#2...... Rebecca Bloomwood in "Confessions Of A Shopaholic" (Portrayed by Isla Fischer)
25-year-old shopaholic journalist who wanted to work for Allette but ended up in a financial magazine called "Successful Saving". It's kinda ironic for a shopaholic (Spanish: Someone who can't handle her outcome) to work for a financial magazine as an advice columnist. I love her preppy attitude, witty mind, and -Of course!- fabulous closet. So she's not tough like Gretchen Morgan or Lara Croft who is "guns-and-fights" tough. She is tough on dealing with her messy financial problems and juggling her life as a social butterfly, a magazine columnist, and a friend. And her life wasn't exactly smooth-sailing, but as her dad said, "If America can survive with million dollars of debt, so can you." Hmm... This character is a little bit like me. Though my shopping isn't that frequent. And I don't mean to be a narc ;)
and the winner is...
Sara Tancredi in "Prison Break" (Portrayed by Sarah Wayne-Callies)
The daughter of Illinois governor, Frank Tancredi. Her ambition to become a doctor began when she was very young. In Northwestern University, when she was a Phi Beta Kappa, she was introduced to the works of Mahatma Gandhi and decided to become a humanitarian, which brought her the decision to work in Fox River State Penitentiary. She treats her patients (Who were, indeed, cons) with the same cordiality and respect. Season 2, she's involved with the brothers' conspiracy plot and due to drug overdose, lost her medical license. She became a Company target. Season 3, Sara is "killed" and her "head" was in a box sent to Lincoln. Season 4, it turned out Sara's locked up in The Company facility the whole season (Probably the same room Gretchen got locked up later in the season) before finally escaped. She reunited with Michael with the help of a family friend, Bruce Bennett, and shortly joined Don Self's covert "A Team" to get Scylla and retrieve it to the government. Sara turned out to be pregnant later in the season, though she didn't tell Michael just yet. Sara became Michael's only remaining ally on the last third of the season. She saved Michael from his mother, Christina Scofield Hampton, by shooting her from behind. She got married with Michael, but then arrested at her party for murder of Christina. She was kept in Miami-Dade jail, where she met again with Gretchen (Who tortured her during her lockup in the Company facility) and got beaten up by the female officers. Gretchen saved her life from another female con who tried to kill her, and soon enough, they were allies planning their escape with Michael helping from the outside. Gretchen was captured still inside the jail area, leaving Sara to go on her own. Sara reunited with Michael once again, and after their last kiss, Michael told her to go while he'd connect the cable that would shut off the power causing the panel to explode and killed Michael. Four years later, Sara and her son Michael Jr., Lincoln, Sucre, and Mahone appeared at Michael's grave, laying flowers on the tombstone, and ended with the characters walking toward the seaside with the sun.
*Sighs* Emotional end. Smart, passionate, humanitarian, tough, and wearing her heart on her sleeve. This is the perfect mix. Intelligent like Lara Croft, tough like Gretchen, smart Kappa like Sydney, passionate and hearty like Rebecca. Thumbs up for her!
Rainy season is finally here! I loooooooooove the rain. The smells of wet ground, the sound of the wind whooshing, the sound of the trees where the leaves rubs again each other. And the soft breeze that blows through my skin. Plus, rainy season here means cool cardigans and hoodies to me. LOL
Edgy. And most importantly, casual and wearable. That's my main goal in creating looks. Standard skinny jeans from Acne and white sweater by Henry Cottons -You can always replace it with a simple broken white/grayish shirt. Matching vest by Ilse Jacobsen, you can button it up or let it loose like I did in the look. To add more edges, I picked out the cute Topshop necklace and the draped-chain necklace from Cornelia. A little essence of hippie with Aloha Mi Lajki charm bracelet (I love this item! I picked this out for my model many, many times :D). Plus three matching items; Brown Hermes bracelet (left hand), fierce beret from Accessorize, and -my fave!- Rabeanco handbag. And, last but not least, an awesome pair of white boots from Zoar. Lovin' this! Not that fierce like a knee-high woman boots, which makes this more wearable for girls my age. Though, of course, it's not really suitable for girls who live in a tropical place (Like moi, par exemple). You can try bomber sneakers, or maybe ankle boots or wedges (If you don't really do heels or stilettos).
As my friend said, "I'm not feminine, but I don't have to be feminine to like fashion, right?". Fashion doesn't have to be something with dresses and skirts and heels. Fashion is who you are, so it depends on how you dress yourself. Me? I'm a preppy, feminine kind of girl who likes summer dresses and wedges and lip gloss and being pretty. But that's me, that's not you. Sure, some of you might have the same style, but... some of you are just... not the type. Be yourself.
College. On my previous entry, I was quite rebellious about Big Mama's suggestion (Or whatever that is) to take I-O psychology in college. I wanted to take literature as my career path some day. But here's the thing. Imagine this;
Here I am. Fresh out of college, with Literature degree (Hopefully, from Yale). What's next?
Simple question, but I doubt that you could answer that -Let alone quickly. I would chase my dreams, but I gotta think of the prospects too. I mean, I chase my dreams so that I can earn money from it. What's the use if I did chase my dream to study Lit if only to end up as a secretary or an assistant in some office? Hell, no. I don't want to be stuck at a desk job working for someone. And besides, they want me to take over their company someday, as the next and improved generation. Imagine if... I worked at the Human Resources, and then eventually I became to head of the department. Practically an exec here. I want that position. I would picture myself as a successful, young exec. Like Lisa Tabak in "Prison Break" -Only, younger. You know, powerful, determined, and related in familial way to the guy in charge (In the movie, General Krantz). I want to be like that.
Sometimes I wish I'm as brilliant as Michael Scofield or Van Gogh. But it's a little ironic to say that some great people just die young. Michael with his hypothalamic hamartoma, Van Gogh with several illness (Such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, syphilis, poisoning from swallowed paints, temporal lobe epilepsy, acute intermittent porphyria). Of course, Michael is a fictional character. But he always felt real to me :)
So maybe I don't want to be that great. I just want to be good enough to make some kind of essay for Yale and get contacted by them. Hopefully they are interested with my application and essay that they would love to give me a full ride. I know, being good enough is not enough. But if that's what it takes, no problem. I'd do my best to do better in the future. From this very moment, I've got to promise myself to work my sweats off to get good grades. For Allah. For me. For my parents. For my future. For Yale.
I went through YouTube a few days ago, looking for the video about Kelsey Briggs' story. I saw that video months ago when a friend of mine sent the cause invitation to me via Facebook and he said he "cried so hard". And it was really sad. Check this out.
How could someone do such horrible things to a toddler that cute?! I was crying my eyes out and breathing so heavily, my chest went up and down, seeing that child has marks, bruises, and a black eye. And it got even worse when she broke both of her legs. She was two years old! In her mother's care! She also got broken collarbones, multiple bruises and abrations on her lower back, buttocks, and thighs. Oh wait, that's not it. I literally wail out when I saw her dad on her grave. No matter how painful it is for me to see, I would never imagine how would her paternal family feels, especially her father and grandmother. Check this page for more specific information on Kelsey http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelsey_Smith-Briggs
That is not the worse child abuse case I've ever known. Kelsey had his whole life captured on camera. Playing, laughing, growing up (Though only for a little while). This case is.
Briana Lopez, 6 months old. This murder case is so heart-breaking, the cops cried. The baby had bruises from head to toe. Old and new. And her dad admitted that he had been raping Briana (SHE IS ONLY 6 MONTHS OLD!). And that's not even the saddest part yet! Briana is now locked up in a cage full of trash by her family, despite that the community were willing to claim her body.
I felt bad and guilty. I wish I was a defendant or a consultant, or anyone that would stand up for those poor kids and make a difference!!! I wish I could have done something. But, unfortunately, I was too, too young when that happened.
So please, if you witnessed a child abuse, tell the authorities or local child protection. Call 'em up. You might save a life. Silence is not golden.
P.S. I don't like to call Kelsey "Kelsey Smith-Briggs" because I don't have any respect for her mother, Raye Dawn Smith. She is not capable of being a mother. She should've just let Kelsey live with her paternal grandmother, and Kelsey would be alive right now.
It's 8 days until my birthday! Time goes by soooo quickly. Last year I'm doing a birthday wishlist just like this one. In my grandma's house, with super-slow Internet. Anyways, here it is. Check it out.
A new cell phone. Preferably iPhone or T-Mobile Sidekick LX. I know, it's impossible to get this from my parents since they already got me this notebook (Which they said was "A birthday gift for four years" -WTF?-) but, who knows, maybe Big Mama would get me :)
A bedazzled acoustic guitar, like Taylor Swift has. Again, kind of impossible, but you never know what you're gonna get, right?
A boyfriend. Haha. This is probably the most ridiculous -It's so ridiculous that it's ridunkulous!- thing I've ever wished for my birthday. But, mehh, it's probably time for "Barney Stinson" to finally settle in ;)
My family would treat me differently. To appreciate whatever path I'm taking, or to just shut up when they don't like it. And not be such whiny asses.
A bunch of books I saw at the store earlier. I got my eyes on "The Unfinished Tales" by JR Tolkien, "Confessions Of A Shopaholic" by Sophie Kinsella, "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown, "Gossip Girl" by Cecily Von Ziegesar, and a book of poems and stories for the Middle Ages. Okay, I don't have to have all of these, but I do want to. I would be glad to have even one of these books above.
A pair of wedges!!! I really need these.
Either FOX do another season of "Prison Break" or they make a movie version of it, where Michael turns out to be alive and everyone gets their happy ending. With Michael.
No more child abuse, ANYWHERE. Seeing the murder case of Kelsey Briggs and Briana Lopez breaks my heart. If only I was there to stop those mindless people from hurting them... :'(
Indonesia to stop getting earthquakes. It's scaring the hell out of me. I'm so worried about everyone. I hope you guys are okay...
It's mostly kind of impossible. But, quoting Barney Stinson, there is a point where the possible and impossible meets. And that is... The Possimpible. Like exactly what he said, nothing and everything is possimpible. LOL
That is pretty much what I wish for. Doesn't have to come true, but... a girl can dream, can I? ;)
Until the next time.
Things were really weird yesterday. Everything reminds me of him. I think I'm starting to feel... like I do have feelings for him as well. Which is not good.
Yesterday, I went to SurfTheChannel to watch the latest season of "How I Met Your Mother". There was only the first episode; Definitions. The previous season ended with Barney and Robin liking each other but not want to be 'boyfriend and girlfriend', while Ted finally got hired as an architecture professor in Columbia University. On this season, it turns out that Barney and Robin has had affair the whole summer... and still hasn't done The Talk. The Talk is the part where the girl and the guy sit down and decide where is their relationship going. Anyway, Barney was jealous when Brad asked Robin to this hockey game. And they talked a little, then Brad starts "Oh, God. Is this The Talk? Robin, I'm looking for something serious.", and Robin was --You know what? Here's what happen.
Robin : No, Brad. No. Barney and I...
Brad : Oh! You and Barney...?
Robin : No. I mean, I don't know what we are. My heart tells me I'm feelin' it, but my head tells me it's not such a good idea.
Ehmagawd! That is EXACTLY how I feel! Did they read my mind or something? Anyways, Lily locked them up in her room later and forced them to have The Talk. At the end, they decided to lie and "pretend" to be boyfriend and girlfriend. The episode wraps up with Barney and Robin walking out of Lily's apartment hand-in-hand going for brunch with Lily, Marshall, and Ted watching. Here's the one that caught my attention.
Ted : You do realize they're just lying, right?
Lily : No, they just didn't realize that they're not.
WHOA. That is... Man, that gave me butterflies in my stomach.
Oh, wait. It gets worse.
Almost all the romance quizzes on Facebook I took, like "Who will you fall for?" or "Who's your guy?", I always got "Best Friend" or that sort of thing. Yesterday, I took "Which movie romantic couple I got?", and instead of "Edward + Bella" like everyone else, guess what I got? "Ron + Hermione: The Best Friends"! Perfect. That's just... great. "You'll end up with someone who's been a very close friend...you know each other inside and out and are fully comfortable with each other...this romance is truly magical." UGH!
I went through Google Images for "boy-girl friendship" images that I used for my previous entry, "You Know That I Know", and I found a girl-boy friendship graphic. From this site http://theopenmouth.wordpress.com/2009/06/16/boygirl-the-friendship-graph/ about... Well, The Friendship Graph. "This is where the myth ends, how guys and girls cannot be friends. But yes it is possible for a little while." I don't wanna lose him, man. I just can't.
Okay. Maybe I start to feel the sparks. So maybe I started to feel awkward around him. So maybe I'm having a little "Bromance". So maybe I have this annoying pit in my stomach every time I think of him and the term "Dating". So maybe I start to feel like he's more important than I thought. What now?
I used to wish I felt the same way. I like him, he likes me, we go out, problem solved. But, like I wrote, it's never that simple. It's our friendship that's at stake. Believe me, we're very solid. We're not gonna just... throw it away. At least, I'm not. And besides, I don't wanna break his heart, man. I'm such a Barney. I flirt 24/7. That's why I'm still single. But on the other side, I'm looking for the real thing as well.
You know what? No. Hell, no. I'm not gonna ditch this friendship for a relationship that I doubt it would last long. I mean, I love him. But, love doesn't have to be tied to relationship, right? It could be platonic love, or maybe familial love. It doesn't have to be that way. He deserves a better girl. And I'll find another guy in a heartbeat.
Song of the entry is Shontelle ft. Akon: Stuck With Each Other. Until the next time.
Phew! I finally saw the finale of Prison Break. I was really rushing through the season, so 22 episodes went pretty quickly. At first I didn't wanna watch the finale since I already know what was gonna happen. Michael died. But, after seeing that 22nd episode (And cried during the scene where Sara and Michael walked down the shore), I thought the finale would be worth it. And it is worth it.
Did I mention that I'm the kind person who is soooo easy to cry? I sometimes just think about one thing that could make me cry (For example, Michael and Sara.) and tears would start flooding my eyes. Sometimes it's that easy. Especially when I'm having my 'time of the month'. But, period or not in period, I'm still that easy to cry.
I cried a few times during the finale. Well, not really crying, like 'sobbing and wailing' crying. But tears keep running down and my larynx felt like burning.
First; when Michael visited Sara for the first time in jail and he saw Sara's face after she got beaten up by the female officers. And when he goes "Oh, my God. Oh, my God..." and Sara was "I'm okay," and they both started to crack, that's the part where I cracked too. That look he had on his face, was the same look my mom had when I didn't tell her I had to stay late at school and I went home at like 5pm. I still remember that look.
Second; When Michael kissed Sara for the last time. Maybe that's because I know that he'd die afterwards. I started tearing when he said "God, I love you." and it didn't stop until Lincoln leaned on the door and Alex said "He's not coming back."
Third; when Sara and Lincoln watched the video that Michael recorded earlier. This is the part where I cried so bad. Because everyone in there cried too. Because tears, there, started to go in Michael's eyes. Enlightening the hazel and green in those. Distracting me from that thick jacket he was wearing (At first I was like "Wouldn't it be hot to wear that jacket in Miami?". Imagining that part made me wanna cry again. For real, I have tears in my eyes waiting to burst out. I'm serious!
At first I thought I could probably expand the story and create another where it turns out that Michael is alive somewhere. I want it to end happily. But it's a lot harder, since... Well, his death is off-screen, but they showed the control panel exploding. How would you explain that if Michael's alive? It's hard to fake.
Song of the entry is Everytime We Touch (Yanou's Candlelight Mix) by Cascada. Really suits the story. *Sighs* Imagining Sara and Michael and the song... makes me wanna cry. Ahh, I've been so WEEPY! Oh well, that's all for now. Laters!
Been talking to Big Mama about my future lately. Those talks were stressful.
Big Mama is actually my aunt. She's my dad's eldest sister. Who, by coincidence, shared her birthday with me. I know, I probably should call her 'Aunt', but I have a lot of aunts. It's easier to mention here ;)
Anyway, she is... Well, crazy rich. Her husband owned several mining and rice companies (That's right, several) and she wants me to take over one of the company one day. WHOA! You might think I went like "Hell yeah!" or something like that. I didn't. I just froze up. The only thing in my mind was, "For once in my life, I want to be free to do whatever I want to, dang it!" I was, surprisingly, quite pissed off. I wanted to go to Yale, study Literature, and write. I wanted to write one of the most powerful and influencing piece of literature, like Jane Austen, Shakespeare, or Chaucer. I don't want some boring desk job, even when I'm an exec. Calculating profits, interviewing employee candidates... That's not how I roll.
I don't know why I'm always the one who gets stuck in the middle. I mean, I don't want to work for him, but he sent me an amount of money every month for my education insurance. Which I would probably be using for college. If I end up on a college here and didn't got a scholarship, anyway. But, I'm trying to think as positive as possible to get a full ride at Yale. Literature major.
I still don't know which one to choose. I just believe that whatever path I'm taking, I can make it.
This made me want to go finish my Math homework (Which I hadn't done. Heck, I haven't even touch the book since I put it in the shelf!). I heard Psychology has a lot of Calculus and Sociology. Calculus. Sociology I can handle :D
Alright, I'm gonna sign out and turn of the laptop now. I have to finish my Math homework today, or no watching Prison Break finale today. Hey, I'm getting good at giving myself consequences! LOL. Okay, I'm out.
I see your face, every time I turn around
I hear your name, every time the music starts
Now I got myself wonderin'
Why you? Why now?
Now I can't, even look you in the eyes
Even just to pretend
That it's alright
Because it's not
[Refrains:]
You know that I know now, but I
Don't feel the same somehow, but My
God I really wish I do
'Cuz I don't wanna hurt you
You know that I know now, but I
Don't feel the same somehow, but My
God I really wish I do
'Cuz I don't wanna hurt you
But since you know that I know now
Things wouldn't be the same anymore
Oh, how I miss you so
Your signature smile, and
Your hearty laugh
[Refrains]
I wish I'd fallen for you too
'Cuz then it'd be easier
No one would get hurt
And we'd live happily ever after
But it's never that simple
'Cuz I don't feel anything at all
I'm not your one
And I'm sorry
You know that I know now, but I
Don't feel the same somehow, but My
God I really wish I do
'Cuz I don't wanna hurt you
You know that I know now, but I (But it's never that simple)
Don't feel the same somehow, but My (I don't feel anything at all)
God I really wish I do (I'm not your one)
'Cuz I don't wanna hurt you (And I'm sorry)
But since you know that I know now...
I wrote this song a while ago. Between --Err, during classes at some parts. My best friends sure knows who is this song about (Fo sho!), though I'm not gonna mention his name here. This feeling was so strong, it only took me a day to write the song, find the notes and the chords progression. This is actually the first time I wrote a song, along with its music. All these times I only got to work on the lyrics. This one's my first, and I'm gonna post a video on YouTube soon to sing this. Can't wait!
Check out my channel http://www.youtube.com/user/asharfina4186 to see moi. The videos are a bit old, but I'm planning to do a few proper videos soon. No worries, new songs and covers coming up!
Happy Ied Ul-Fitr! I hope you had a great holiday. If you're asking mine... Well, it's not so great, but I'm grateful for every day off haha. A bunch of cousin from Semarang came and stayed at my house during the event. I don't really like them. Those two guys keep calling me a 'baby' and telling me I'm fat and how tiny my nose is, and my aunt is bossy. She's even more bossy than my mom! Mom's bossiness I can tolerate, because... well, after all, she is my mom. While my aunt? She's a lot more bossy and possessive than my mom. And we don't even see each other a lot! For now, I'm still having a hard time forgiving them. Because, even though they "apologized", they keep doing that to me again. Over and over. And I'm actually so relieved that they're heading back tomorrow.
Despite that they're not yet forgiven by me, I have finally called off my feud with someone. My ex. Shocking? For me, yeah, kind of. He's been on the top of my hate list for over two years. I apologized to him on Facebook, and he said "Me, too. Let's start over from zero." We're now friends. It actually feels nice to finally
click on that history folder about him and press 'Delete'. Like nothing ever happened. But, still, I would never go out with him again. Ever. Some things are just undeletable.
That's it for now. I'm gonna crawl into bed and call it a day. XOXO
Fashion is relative. That depends on the person wearing them. Fashion could be something really disturbing and complicated and unimportant for some people. Or it could be one of many ways to express yourself, to show the world who you really are. Don't believe it? Let me break it down for you.
One example. When you see a guy wearing a beddazled and oversized T-Shirt, buttcrack baggy pants, grillz, or that big chain necklace... what's the first thing that would cross your mind? It's most likely something to do with 'hip-hop', right? I mean, it can't be like "Shiz, that guy looks like a rockstar!". Get real.
You don't get fashion sense by birth. You earn it. Or maybe you already have it in you as a natural talent, but you still need to sharpen your instincts. As for me, it comes naturally to me. Just like English and my writings. I know, and I totally understand the quote "Don't judge the book by its cover". But isn't the cover important, too? I mean, if you want to be respected with other people around you, you have to respect what you have -Inside and out.
So, in order to train my fashion sense, I checked out this Looklet thingy and created my looks. Check these out!
It's called "Fabulously Schooled", inspired by the hit CW series 'Gossip Girl'. You can probably tell by the boots -They're soooo Serena!-. This one's like a customized school uniform, and only leaves the plaid skirt as the school symbol. This look is super-chic, but... unless you're going to the set of Gossip Girl or The Clique, don't wear this. There's a huge difference between TV and reality.
This one is inspired by Hannah Montana: The Movie, Taylor Swift, and Colbie Caillat. This is more wearable than the first one, especially with the T-Shirt and the jeans and the loose vest. And the signature items of the theme are -of course- the cowboy hat and the fringe boots. Loooove the boots from Zara.
This one is inspired by many chick flicks and fashionistas, like Malina Joseph, Anna Wintour, and movies like "Confession Of A Shopaholic" or "The Devil Wears Prada". There's a halter top beneath the khaki ruffled top that you can take off once you reach your office. And the red T-Bone heels to light up the look so it wouldn't fall flat. Pendant necklaces, Marc Jacobs shades, and cute charm bracelet from Aloha Mi Lajki (I love writing that brand! LOL)... Plus a book, handbag, and paperbag to top it off and show the fashionista side.
That's my top 3 Fave looks yet. I'm not ready to go for more dramatic looks, so I'm gonna stick with preppy, feminine rebel for now. For more, you can visit my Looklet page at http://looklet.com/user/94127
So, I was walking down a hallway in MOI, passing through the stores and... I just knew I have something to write about it. Even if it's just a blurb. I don't care.
That very moment reminds me of the beginning of "Confession Of A Shopaholic". The only thought in my head was "Someday, I'm gonna be able to shop in these stores." and nothing else. I always imagining me, being a successful writer, walking out of the stores with those shiny paper bags and my credit card in hand. And me, wearing a Stella McCartney dress and Manolos, Michael Kors handbag, carrying a BlackBerry or an iPhone. Wowwww.
And then when we was on our way to the car, we passed an advertising counter for BCA Flazz. Dad asked the countergirl where to make a Flazz card, and then I started going all, "Ehmagawd! Is Dad gonna make me a Flazz card?!" to my mom. You know, as much tempting as that might be, I don't think that's a good idea. I would probably end up spending every cent of the money in the account. But, yeah... I don't think I could say "No" if he gives it to me either. Tough decision.
In the car, it just crossed my mind that Mom's ordering BlackBerrys from her friend abroad. Eep! That would be -Ehmagawd!- awesome! I know I wanted an iPhone, but a BlackBerry sounds good to me. Especially if it's Storm, mm... my life is purrfect. I hope that happens. I could really use a new phone right now. I've used this one for about 3 years and I think the battery's leaked now.
For now, I can just hope and pray. New clothes, BlackBerry, and a card? I'm SO up for it!
Song of the entry is "Uncontrollable" by Adrienne Bailon.
I was talking to a schoolmate during the morning break at school. At first, we were just goofin' around and talk about Taylor Swift's songs while I play the guitar singing to her songs. And then we sung "Forever And Always" and then I started blabbing about how that song relates so much to me. And then I forgot how it came, when suddenly we started talking about my best guy friend.
I asked her if he ever told her anything about me, and she said "No. She keeps your secret with his life." and I just... feel like such a bad friend. And then she started talking about him considers me as a girlfriend, sister, and a mom (Which followed by "A mom?! What the hell?"), and he's been loving me that way since 7th grade. According to her, he's been crushing on me since then.
Boom. It hit me hard. It was a huge slap in the face. How could I be so blind? I felt really bad for him. I can't imagine how hurt he felt when I told him that I had a crush on "John Tucker", when I told him that we were going out, when Robby asked me out... I wish I could just come up to him and told him that I'm sorry. But we all know that it's not that simple.
And my friend, she said that she was hoping that I feel the same way. He's been waiting for so long, don't dissappoint him.
You don't know how much I want to feel the same way, but I just don't. Gosh, I really wish I was, and still am, but I just... don't. I don't have the vibe that I feel deep down inside my chest. Yes, I do love him. But not that way. No matter how deep I dug for that feeling, I just don't find it. How could I find it if it isn't there?
And because of our friendship. I don't wanna give it up. What if our relationship doesn't quite work out? This friendship is priceless. I wouldn't trade it for even a billion dollars, or fame, or success. I wouldn't trade it for love. Nothing in this crazy world would compare.
I'm scared. What if he suddenly asks me that question? If I say 'No', it will only tear my friensship apart and break his heart. He's been waiting for that long and the answer is 'No'. But if I say 'Yes', it'll only hurt him. Sooner or later he's gonna find out that I don't really feel the same way. And what if I like someone else? It's just gonna destroy him.
I don't know what to think!
I still remember all those memories in 7th grade. I remember how ridiculous he looked in that Winnie The Pooh apron during our first cooking task in Cuisines. I remember when people in class started teasing us when I was telling him a story. I remember the four of us racing with the other 36 students in Citizenship pop quiz. I remember the times when almost all the girls in class wouldn't talk to me because they thought he and I were dating. I remember how out-of-track we get when we started talking to each other. Those memories mean a lot to me.
I never want to see him hurt. Never do, never will. You probably wouldn't know how I feel if I hurt him, even though not on purpose.
Been listening to Taylor Swift's "Breathe" and "Teardrops On My Guitar", Colbie Caillat's "Realize", John Mayer's "Comfortable", and Yiruma's "River Flows In You" on loop for the past hour.
"We only got 86,400 seconds in a day, to turn it all around or to throw it all away. We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say. Gotta live like we're dying!" -Kris Allen
I'm only 13 years old, but inside and out I'm way more than that. I'm an ambitious young 'werewolf' who determined to get on Yale for college. A little early for me to decide, but I really, REALLY want it. But, aside from that, I'm still an upbeat teenage girl who loves music, movies, fashion, friends, browsing the 'Net, and a bunch of other stuff like other teens. Or not!
